Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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