That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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