He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
