I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
