I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
