did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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