I cut my penus on the lid.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
