Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
