Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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