just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
