he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
