You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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