So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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