Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
