i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
