I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
