somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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