My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
