When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
