I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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