I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
