It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
