i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
