Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
