If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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