i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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