I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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