bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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