The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
