I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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