Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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