Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
