The maid of honor just puked.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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