I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
