I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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