taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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