Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you would pick up someone in the library
so let's talk penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
