New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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