ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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