if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
