I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
