it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
