You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
