he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
