What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
