I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
lets start a swedish sibling band together
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
