1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
