i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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