I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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