Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
