Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
