if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
