my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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