Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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