why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
