I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
