He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
