oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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