Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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