dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
