Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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