Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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