I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
