all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
