I accidentally had phone sex last night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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