margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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