i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
