Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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