Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
