Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
