y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
