I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
did i just pee glitter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
