Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
