All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
