Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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